My first roommate, freshman year of college. We shared a single 10×18 room.
The first month or so was actually pretty great, because she was constantly out partying and I basically had the room to myself. The trouble arose when she ran out of money and started hanging around all the time. I go to an art school with a characteristically intense workload, and I have no idea how this girl hasn’t dropped out yet. The entire semester I lived with her I think I saw her doing homework once, and her art looked like the shit you’d expect from a middle school class.
She had pictures of her face all over the walls. After she saw me decorating my side of the room with nerdy posters, she decided she wanted some poo poo on her walls too, so she hopped on the computer in the dorm lobby and printed off every single picture on her camera. Most of these were just pictures of her, sometimes with family or friends. Since the printer downstairs was black and white, she colored parts of the photos in with highlighters. And for the few inches of the wall she couldn’t plaster with her own neon face, she’d use completely loving random pages torn out of magazines or shredded up newspaper clippings, sometimes with bible verses written across them in highlighter. I’m sure there’s a serial killer out there somewhere with walls exactly like this.
Oh, all of her art was self-portraiture too.
She skipped class more than she went, usually just to sleep or dick around on her laptop. For a while she’d bring her friend over for eight hours at a time and they’d sit around blasting R&B music and laughing their asses off when I was in the room trying to do homework or sleep, but that stopped after I finally kicked her friend out one night.
She also liked to occupy the bathroom for three hours at a time every week or so while she “did her hair”. She even had a sign she put on the door (scribbled on in highlighter, of course) for when she was doing her hair. I have no idea what kind of hair care procedure takes three hours once a week, but it was probably also the reason why we were constantly filing maintenance reports because her hair had completely stopped the shower drain.
Though my favorite moment living with her has to be when she came in the room at four in the morning on her cellphone, talking in her usual loud speaking voice and waking me up to “YEAH I FORGOT TO TAKE MY BIRTH CONTROL YESTERDAY SO I JUST TOOK TWO TODAY, I THINK I’M PROBABLY FINE.”
After the first semester she moved down the hall to room with her friend. Her new room was right above a friend’s room and they had to report her room several times for the screeching laughter long into the night. I got a new roommate who was far better to live with, though she did get shitfaced drunk the last weekend of school, throw up in my bed and then pass out in the common area floor.